When I was young I wanted to get married and have a family.
I asked the Lord for this, and the Lord said no.
Disappointed but desiring gifts I asked to be rich. If I couldn’t be married with a family, I figured I might as well be a billionaire. That way I could do a lot of neat things in technology. I had a lot of ideas.
So I asked the Lord to give me riches.
But the Lord said no.
OK then, I thought, if I can’t be married, if I can’t be rich, maybe I could become famous.
So I asked the Lord to give me fame.
No, said the Lord.
I was really starting to get desperate now, so I cried out to the Lord: Okay, if I can’t be married, if I can’t be rich, if I can’t be famous, what can I be? What is my purpose in life? What is my mission?
The Lord looked at me and said: Your mission is to enter the continent of North America and destroy Harvard University.
What, I exclaimed.
The Lord looked at me and said: I am not going to repeat myself. You heard what I said.
Enter the continent of North America and destroy Harvard University? You’re crazy, I said to the Lord.
Harvard is too big, I added. And I am too small.
The Lord said that he would help me.
I can’t do it, I replied. I don’t have the talent. I don’t have the smarts, and I sure as shit don’t have the connections and the foot soldiers.
The Lord: I’ve made up my mind.
You don’t know what you’re talking about, I said to the Lord. I live here on planet earth, not in some ethereal Walt Disney World. We eat people down here.
I patiently enumerated the obstacles I was up against. I spoke about cognitive dissonance, the total indoctrination of the American people, how Harvard graduates have been promoted in the media as geniuses and living gods, how Harvard has invaded all our major institutions, that many people have undying loyalty to Harvard University, and that many people do not see or are unwilling to see the harm that Harvard has done to America. I added that I was in the minority.
I was hoping that a calm demeanor might win the day.
The Lord did not respond. He appeared resolute.
Out of the corner of my eye I noted the Lord tapping his foot in the manner of someone who has heard this type of excuse-making many times before as if to say: Are all you people the same?
You’re betting on the wrong horse, I added.
At that point, I guess the Lord got a little upset, and so he read me the Job speech.
He asked me where I was when he had created the heavens and the earth.
I must admit, I didn’t have a good response to that.
And so I was compelled to accept the Lord’s mission he had set out for me.
Enter the continent of North America and destroy Harvard University.
Now, of course, it didn’t really happen that way. I didn’t really have any direct conversation with the Lord as you and I would know it, but over the years my life amounted to the same thing.
Sincerely,
Archer Crosley
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