Bonds

Stay out of the bond market.

Quite frankly, I never understood the bond market.

I mean I do, but I don’t.

I get confused because of the inverse relationship between the yield of the bond and how much you pay for it.

I’m a straightforward guy. I don’t like thinking in terms of inverses. And I don’t want to have to “figure it out” every time I approach the subject of bonds.

It’s as if understanding the bond market ablates the neurons that are responsible for remembering how it works.

I also don’t understand what the CNBC jerk offs mean when they say that “the bond market took a hit.”

Are they saying that the price of bonds went down, or are they saying that the yield went down?

And whatever does that mean anyway?

What do I do with that information?

If you tell me that the stock market took a hit, I get it. I can go buy the stock cheap.

But the bond market?

I don’t have the time to be deciphering what the fuck they’re talking about.

So I don’t invest in it.

In addition to that how can you get an erection over a bond?

Is that possible? I can get an erection over Apple computer, or Amazon, or a stock.

But a bond?

I have to believe in something in order to invest in it.

How can I possibly believe in a city or a government when I know there’s so much corruption going on?

I can’t and I don’t.

I suspect that bonds are something that you invest in as a last resort.

You don’t really want to invest any money there; you just do it out of default.

Bonds are a consolation prize when you don’t win the hottie.

Stocks are hotties.

Bonds are dogs.

I don’t bet on dogs.

Beyond that, the bond market can be extremely deceptive.

Sometimes the bond market goes up not because anybody believes in the bonds, but because people don’t believe in the stock market.

In that event, massive amounts of money begins to compete for bonds at least until the money decides to flow back.

What does that tell you about the status of bonds?

It tells me that you’re dealing with a consolation prize.

Is that what you want to be stuck with?

On top of that misery, one has to worry about the federal reserve: what they’re going to set the interest rate at, and how much money they’re going to print.

Throw in the usual gobbledygook about short term treasuries versus long-term treasuries, plus LIBOR, and your life becomes infinitely more difficult.

Bonds?

Losers.

Don’t even spend one moment of your time thinking about them.

Let CNBC worry about bonds.

Sincerely,

Archer Crosley

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