Urban Meyer

Dear Urban Meyer,

I’m going to pretend that I am your boss.

Listen up, bitch.

You are a coward and a pussycat.

You are a wimp and a sellout.

You are such, not because you engaged in what appears to be lap dancing at a bar, but because you apologized for doing so when there was no reason to do so.

Why are you apologizing?

What did you do wrong other than get stress relief for an extremely stressful job?

Are head coaches never permitted to take a break from reality?

Are human beings permitted no short escape into fantasy?

I don’t give a good good damn if your hands were all over the girl.

If they were, it was clearly done with mutual consent in order to divert the mind.

Secondly it’s none of my business anyway.

Nor is it the business of anyone else.

For my part, you did nothing to harm the integrity of the NFL.

If anyone has harmed the integrity of the NFL, it is the NFL itself for becoming the politically correct kneeler it has become.

The NFL now takes its orders from Joy Behar.

What Joy believes, the NFL believes.

What Joy disapproves of, the NFL disapproves of.

If Joy is happy, the NFL is happy

If Joy is unhappy, the NFL is unhappy.

The NFL no longer has a spine of its own.

It is a quivering bowl of Jell-O in an electric field of emotions.

Joy Behar only needs to snap her fingers, and the NFL, the little poodle that it is, comes to a heeling position.

Well, I don’t want that.

What I want is a man who stands on his own two feet and takes a stand for what he feels is right.

As Emiliano Zapata once said: It’s better to die on your feet like a man than to live the rest of your life on your knees like a dog.

Can you be a man, Urban Meyer?

Women have no problem going to ladies clubs where barely naked male dancers with a six pack and a cucumber-laden jockstrap gyrate their hips to screams of full-throated lust.

So why on earth are you apologizing?

If you want your job, stop apologizing.

Better yet retract the apology you did make.

Under no circumstances bend the knee to the apology police.

They couldn’t care less about women or fidelity.

What they care about is power, power over you, power over us.

Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile.

I need a coach who understands that.

If your wife doesn’t understand that that’s not our problem; that’s her problem. Divorce her.

I need a coach who can set an example for his players.

I need a coach who can stand up and act like a man.

Pussycats and wimps need not apply.

Man up or ship out.

Sincerely,

Archer Crosley

Copyright 2021 Archer Crosley All Rights Reserved

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