Big Mike’s Christmas Letter

Dear Big Mike,

In the spirit of  the holiday season and the brand of Jesus Christ you admire, I’d like to kick your ass and punch your head into nothingness; however, since such an event is unlikely, this epistle must suffice.

I hope this holiday season, as you are sitting down with your children in front of the Christmas tree , you will keep the cholera-ridden children of Yemen in your thoughts.

This would be fitting as you helped engender this epidemic by supporting the Saudi royal family.

As to why the Persian Gulf is necessary to the interests of the United States anymore given the massive production of oil and green energy that is currently taking place in the world is anyone’s guess. Perhaps you are addicted to war.

Certainly you are not addicted to dieting as your waistline attests.

Nevertheless, as you partake of hot chocolate and warm Christmas cookies, which will undoubtedly broaden your unhealthy waistline, I trust you will think of the 400,000 Syrians that died at the hands of you and the murderous regime you represent.

Let’s not forget the millions of Syrian refugees who live in tents. How would you like to live in a tent this Christmas, Big Mike?


I didn’t think so.

Well, how about if we say a prayer for those people in their time of need, something to buck them up.

I know a passage.  Let’s try Psalm 37. That’s one of my favorites.

I think about you when I read Psalm 37.

Here are a few excerpts.

The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming.

They’re talking about you, Big Mike.

Here’s another passage.

Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever.  For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed; the offspring of the wicked will perish.  The righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever.

I hope you will take the time to read this to your children this Christmas Eve, Big Mike, before you go out caroling.

Lastly, let us not forget our Savior, Jesus Christ, for whom we celebrate Christmas.

Jesus said: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

Hmm.  I’m confused, Big Mike.  Wasn’t Jesus talking about peace?

He must have been because according to Wikipedia, you told a church group that Christians needed to “know that Jesus Christ as our savior is truly the only solution for our world.”

Huh, I guess you forgot to tell your pal, Mama Gina, when she threw those guys in coffins in order to torture them.

Yep, she threw in some cockroaches to sweeten the pot.

Is it true that she stamped her feet and sung the Horst Wessel Lied?

Say, Mike, how you would like to spend time in a coffin this Christmas?

Well, let’s all hope that never happens.

That wouldn’t be very Christmasy.


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