How to not let Brett Kavanaugh ruin your life.
If you are like most Americans who are interested in politics, your life has been taken over in the past three weeks by Brett Kavanaugh.
Who is this man, you ask, who has barged into my mind.
You hardly knew he existed a month ago.
But now you live in Brett Kavanaugh’s universe.
Your entire life existence revolves around his.
You obsess about his college life thirty-five years ago.
What he drank. What he said. What he did.
Who he insulted. Who he fucked. Whose face he threw a cup of ice in.
It’s of paramount importance to you to to dissect through his calendar. Sleuth that you are, you are positive you will find the clue that will solve the riddle that others can not solve.
Who is Squi, you ask. Ah, there must be something ominous there. Only a party-hard frat boy would have a friend name Squi.
Clearly an indictment, you conclude.
But now the saga ends.
Brett Kavanaugh is to be confirmed.
Woe to you!
Brett Kavanaugh will gradually fade into oblivion.
What will you ever do? For the past three weeks you ran to the television to get your fix of Kava.
You drank it up as Anderson Cooper slowly released tidbits of salacious gossip.
It’s all gone now.
You must now retreat to your own shitty life, no less important than that of Brett Kavanaugh.
But there’s still hope.
There is always the notion of impeachment.
Slowly you get an erection.